Your Toddler And Sexuality
Children develop their basic attitudes about sexuality during their early years, beginning at birth-from the way they are touched, caressed, cuddled, and cared for. As you hold and touch your baby, you are communicating and expressing love and acceptance and showing your baby how special he or she is. Toddlers are keen observers of how family members show affection for each other-and they quickly learn what is OK to do and what is not OK. Between ages 2 and 3, children become aware of being a boy or a girl and display this sexual identity by imitating the same-sex parent-for example, by copying the parent's walk, gestures, or smile.
Toddlers are intensely curious about their bodies. A child learns about his or her body by exploring it. When you change your child's diaper or give a bath, you'll notice him or her touching his or her genitals-because it feels good and it's comforting. Toilet training increases a child's natural interest in his or her genitals. Genital exploration is normal and healthy for both girls and boys, who usually do it at this age when they're tired and trying to go to sleep. The pleasure young children get from touching their genitals is more general than sexual.
To keep your child from feeling bad about any part of his or her body and to promote healthy sexual attitudes, accept his or her genital play and ignore it. It's important for children to like all parts of their body and they can detect negative or positive attitudes by the way in which you, other family members, and caregivers refer to body parts. Teach your child the correct names of the genitals and other "hidden" body parts while you are diapering, dressing, and bathing him or her, and repeat the words often. Using the correct terms, such as penis or vagina, will make it easier to use these words in conversations about sex when your child is older.
Scolding or punishing your child for touching their genital areas could instill lasting negative feelings or guilt. If your child's attention to his or her genitals is disturbing to you personally, instead of scolding, try engaging his or her interest in another activity. If your child touches their genitals in public, tell him or her that it's fine to investigate and play with his or her genitals but that it's a private activity that people do only when they're alone in a bathroom or bedroom. Your child may not fully understand the concepts of modesty and privacy until he or she is 5 or 6 years old but you can begin teaching them now by being simple, direct, and honest.
Genital exploration is not a cause for concern unless the child does it to the point that it interferes with daily activities or sleep or if he or she seems to be doing it to tease you. In some cases, excessive genital touching, just like excessive thumb sucking, can result from too much pressure on a child to master new skills such as table manners or using the toilet. Relax the pressure for a while and see if it helps. If the behavior continues, talk to your child's doctor about other things you can do that might be helpful.
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